UKBKK

Cheaper flights

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 21:52:00 +0000

Just booked on Thai via ebookers for �537 in September.....excellent price!

Also got a flight from Bkk to Tokyo....�400....

Will be third visit to Tokyo since end of December....gotta say,I really like T-Town. More than Bkk methinx. The Law of Diminishing Returns is starting to apply for Bangers,glad I have found another city in the Far East that excites.

You know ......

Sun, 04 Jul 2010 20:35:08 +0000

Found on a blog....add to it where necessary and repost someplace

You know you have been in Thailand too long when :

1. The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.
2. You no longer wait in line, but immediately go to the head of the queue.

3. You stop at the bottom of the escalator to plan your day.

4. You habitually punch all the buttons as you leave the lift.

5. It has become exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anybody can get off.

6. You're willing to pay to use a toilet you wouldn't go to within a kilometer of at home.

7. It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting.

8. You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply
"up to you mister".

9. You accept the fact that you have to queue to get your number for the next queue.

10. You have considered buying a motorcycle for the next family car.

11. You accept without question the mechanic's analysis that the car is "broken" and that it will cost you a lot of money to get it fixed.

12. You find it saves time to stand and retrieve your cabin baggage while the plane is still
on final approach.

13. You walk to the pub with your arm around your mate.

14. You answer the telephone with "Hello" more than 5 times.

15. Your are quite content to repeat your order six times in a restaurant that only has four
items on the menu.

16. A T-bone steak and rice sounds just fine.

17. You believe everything you read in the local newspaper.

18. You regard traffic signals, stop signs and copy watch peddlers with total ignorance.

19. If when listening to the pilot prove, he can't speak English, you no longer wonder if he
can understand the Air Traffic Controllers.

20. You regard it as part of an adventure when the waiter exactly repeats your order and
the cook makes something completely different.

21. You're not surprised when three men with a ladder show up to change a light bulb.

22. You think it is normal to wait six days to get your laundry back or pay 50% surcharge
for same day service.

23. Taxi drivers understand you.

24. You own a rice cooker.

25. Due to selective memory you honestly believe you could return to the western world.

26. You can shake your hands almost perfectly dry before wiping them on your pants.

27. YOU UNDERSTAND ALL OF THE ABOVE REFERENCES!

You habitually look both ways when crossing a one way street

Your wife calls to remind you she will be home Saturday and have you bought toilet paper.

You are not surprised when the lady who owns the pub asks if you know anyone who will teach her son English.

Not only does it not bother you a lady is cleaning the urinal next to the one you are using, but that you also start to have a casual chat with her.

While stuck in a traffic jam, you see a tiny gap in the traffic in the other lane. You think "If I try and move into that gap, half my car will be left in the lane I was just in, thus blocking traffic for a mile back and frustrating 100+ drivers."
But you don't care and jump in that gap anyway.

You wear a wooly hat and gloves when it drops below 30

You think fairy lights wrapped around a T.V looks beautiful

You Actually believe your wife's family like you!!

You think blondes look exotic

You push the pull open door for the 50th time this week and giggle about the experience again

Your sure theirs room for one more on the bike that already holds 5 people and a pig

You now speak to friends back home in broken English

You enjoy som tam with a few chicken feet on the side

You buy cigarettes in singles, and are sure L&M taste better than B&H

Your sure Loa Khao is a good substitute for a twelve year old single malt

You don't fear a couple of months in the monkey house
You can sleep for 23 and a half hours a day for months on end

You can shower, eat, watch T.V, call all your friends and clean the room in the only waking 30 mins you have each day

You think a face smothered hand cream and white powder is attractive

Or perhaps you just might start missing big fat women with varicose veins.

You think having a 1 baht coin in your ear looks cool

You wear a suit to work then change into flip-flops upon arrival

You add enough soda to your whiskey to render it colorless

And put ice in your beer

You have a conversation with a mouthful of food

And smoke between mouthfuls

You pluck your face at traffic lights

You stand and watch a video in Power Buy

You tell someone the time is about 11 o'clock when in fact it's a quarter to 12.

- You use a whistle when parking your car.

- You season your hamburger with nam pla phrik.

- You are always thinking it must be time for the next meal.

- You stop thinking that a girl riding pillion on a motorbike, side-saddle, wearing a mini-skirt, with one toe pointing to the ground, while putting on make-up, is anything out of the ordinary.

- You can sleep standing up on the bus.

- You can keep your bus fare in your ear.

- If you meet someone called Steve you call him ``Sateve''.

- You know the braking distance for vehicles traveling at 10kph is two meters and that the braking distance for vehicles traveling at 100kph is also two meters.

- You laugh your head off at jokes you can't understand.

- You describe anyone who has ever lived within a two kilometer radius of you as ``my brother''.

- You find that everything you own is counterfeit.

- You frankly never really have a clue what's really going on

When you start sticking a nasal inhaler up your nose every ten minutes
When you sit on a motorbike, face in the mirror popping zits without any concern of being seen by passers by

When the spiciest Indian and Mexican dishes taste bland

You think nothing of entering a noodle shop even after you've just seen a huge brown rat run out and past you!

You put a 7-11 bag on your head when you're out in the rain!

You think it's normal to have a beer at 9:00 a.m.
You begin to enjoy Thai TV programs.

You look four ways before crossing a one way street.

You realize that ALL your problems are caused by Thai girls or cranky ATMs.

You put salt and chilli on your fruit

A Thai cop stops you for a minor infraction and you automatically reach for
your wallet.

You think that a Honda Civic is a prestigious car.

All your tee-shirts are emblazoned with the name of some bar.

You can't remember the last time you wore a suit and tie.

You think a polo shirt and jeans are formal attire.

Someone tells you that watching Thai politics is like watching two chameleons making love, and you understand the analogy

You aren't upset when the bar girl next to you eats beetles as a snack.

Later the same night, you actually kiss the bar girl who earlier dined on the beetles.

You haven't had a solid stool for five years.

You wake up in the morning and realize that you have nowhere to go and all day to get there.

You think white wine goes well with Som Tam.

You understand when your Thai wife says, 'My friend you' or 'Same, same, but different.'

A Thai bar girl you've just met tells you that her mother is deathly ill and you just laugh and walk away.

You realize that your Thai wife's loyalties belong to

1. Her parents
2. Her children from a previous marriage to a Thai scoundrel who deserted her..
3. Any remaining blood relatives.
4. The family buffalo.
5. The family's goldfish.

6. You.
The Thai Navy buys a new submarine and you're not surprised when the first thing they do is remove the mufflers and hang a garland from the rear view mirror.

You consider you mobile phone a fashion accessory.

You start wearing slippers everywhere

You start driving cars with bare feet

You no longer enjoy Songkran. Instead, you stay home with a stack of DVD's

You become an expert on buying and selling gold jewelry

Dogs become animals you'd rather kick than pet.

When driving a car you'll start using every free inch of the road.

You flash your 4 indicator lights when driving straight on at an intersection.

It's two days before payday, so you only go to bars with balloons strung outside.

You realize that all the important words in Thai begin with
the letter 'S'.
Sanuk (Fun),
Saduak

(convenient), Sabai (comfortable), Suay (pretty).

You believe that buying a gold chain is an acceptable courtship ritual, or at
least a form of foreplay.

You think a calendar more useful than a watch.

You go to a Thai Boxing match and a soccer game breaks out.

You stand in the shadow of a telephone pole while waiting for a bus

You think putting ice in red wine is normal.

You don't care or know what day of the week it is.

You think 15kb's of upload speed is quite fast.

You begin to think you actually are a 'Hansum Man'.

You automatically without thinking swear in Thai.

You have a Thai nickname.

Lao Kha just doesn't do it for you any more.

Neither does Viagra.

You own a CD compilation with Crazy Frog on

You don't have a problem kissing a ladyboy on the cheek

You sit in a bar in Bangkok surrounded by naked girls and porn on the big screen and you just want to watch the golf on the small screen in the corner

You avoid walking under fruit laden coconut palms

You avoid looking into a girls eyes longer than 3seconds

You know where to buy booze on officially shut holidays

You realize your whisky and soda is rum based

You accept 5 on a motorbike with shopping is normal

You accept builders clambering up bamboo scaffolding with no boots or helmets

You count the number of passengers embarking on a ferry

Pedestrian crossings mean nothing

Nothing surprises you and things are not always what they seem

You realize Thai logic does not tally with Western logic

... when you see a power outlet with 5 different appliances running off it, which intermittently emits sparks as not being dangerous but perfectly normal.
...when you start examining the tat in the glass-fronted cabinets which every Thai house has.

...when you have one of those tissue holders with gold plastic decoration in your car.

..when your nice new Honda has a bunch of dirty looking marks placed on the inside of the roof by a monk

...when you start staring at taxi meter readings and doing all kinds of mental calculations to check whether the meter has been tampered with.

...when you understand that pedestrian crossings have no actual purpose whatsoever

... when you are woken at 3am by a huge explosion of a transformer on a pole outside and you just roll over and go back to sleep

... when you consider a foot of water in your house as a mild case of dampness

... when you see the helpful provision of traffic lights with a seconds countdown as a means of encouraging a competitive spirit.

... when you realise its absolutely impossible to completely escape squat toilets for ever, and the first time you use one for ages, your phone falls down the toilet.

... when you stop wondering why, when you visit Thai friends with your wife, the hostess always places a glass of water in front of you and nobody else.

You know you have been on Thaivisa too long when you believe "Thai's" really should have that apostrophe, the Thai currency is the "Bath" and foreigners are referred-to as "Farlangs"

.when you know how to spell "Suwarnabhumi" Airport correct from your head.

...when you start making a gun-gesture with your hands under your chin when someone takes a picture, thinking its a cool thing to do.

...when you are driving around on the motorbike having positioned the mirrors to reflect your own face.

...when Durian is considered a good tasting fruit and you not have problems having your girlfriend bringing it into your condo.

...when you start plucking out fairly big insects, that have landed in your bed, without turning any lights on, and just continue to sleep afterwards.

...when you stop realizing that you are driving in 80-90 kmph down the small road in just t-shirt, shorts and a small helmet on.

...when you send a kid to buy you some more beer.

...when you give up about pointing out all these obvious things to a Thai...

...when your turn off your cell-phone because its lighning and thunder close by, but happily go around with an umbrella or sit wait under a tree.

...when you walk around with flip-flops and paka-ma a whole day, even outside your house, without caring about it.

...when just blowing off the myriad of ants from your cracker-thing makes it edible again.

...when chicken in your kitchen is just part of the day.

...when you feel embarassed if another farang is pointing at something at a market with his feet.

...when you consider Tesco-Lotus restaurant food as allmost gourmet.

...when you start laughing at your girlfriend every month when she's "definently" pregnant again.

...when you start dreaming lottery-numbers.

You move your car completely in the opposite lane to overtake a bike

When you start to say "Mai Pan Rai" even when thing start to get serious.
Riding a motobike without a helmet.

Digging your nose while standing at the bus stop.

Try to run away when a foreigner try to speak with you in English.

Wearing your short inside your pant instead of underwear.

Parking your car in front of your neighbor's house

Screaming and yelling with friends at internet cafe

Carry at least 2 cellphones in your pocket

Thinking Korean's style is attractive

Watch movie in Thai dubbed

And you don't even notice the ***BOINGGG*** noises any more.

You think doing wheelies on a motor bike looks really cool.
You make up for waking 30 minutes late by speeding on your 5 minute drive to work.

When buying wine, you respond to the sales person's offer of help by saying either white or red.

You finally accept that waiting 10 minutes for your change is normal but waiting 3 extra seconds after a traffic light has turned green can get you killed.

You sit on your feet while eating.

You can grunt in at least 10 different tones.

Your farts do not smell bad but everyone else's do.

When calling for service you start out the conversation with how many times you have already called.

You no longer ask a person if they speak English because you know their response does not matter.

You are obsessed with carrying ridiculous amounts of small change with you at all times.

"Finished" is a normal response to any question.

You ask a taxi driver which way he is going.

Your 5 toes now point in 6 directions.

You buy shoes by first evaluating how easy it is to get them on and off.

You choose a restaurant by the amount of Christmas tree lights strung up outside.

When somebody asks you about your net worth, you respond with what kind of mobile phone you own.

You frequently go to the doctor but you never take the pills he gives you.

You turn off you motor bike lights to save electricity.

You only charge your mobile phone when you need to use it.

Your younger sister who was born 2 years after you, is now 5 years younger than you.

When tired, it is because you are not eating enough.

The worlds best athletes are the ones who had plenty to eat.

Everybody you have known more than 10 years is your cousin.

You have at least 3 lady boys in your family tree.

You buy a lot of chromed accessories for your new car

You detach your car wipers when you park your car

You have in the rear of your car one of those strange volunteer-with-a-passed-out-girl sticker

You carry 20 or your wife's relatives to the temple festival in the rear of your pick up

You have several amulets on your car's dashboard

When you try to eat everything with a spoon
When the standard answer to any question is Mai Ruu

When you wear flip flops wherever you go and even go to 7/11 in boxer shorts

When your English completely breaks down and you end every second sentence with Na?!

An afternoon with the Rocking Dolphins

Fri, 28 May 2010 16:43:30 +0000

Just thought I�d write a few lines on a non-mongering activity in Pattaya.

Some of you may be aware that funtown now has a football team in the Thai Premier League, Pattaya United, (AKA the Rocking Dolphins). This is their second year in the premier league, last season they avoided relegation on the last day, and at the moment they are around mid table.

They currently play at the municipal facility behind the temple on the darkside, (they are supposed to be building a new stadium in Jomtien), so transport is a bit of an issue. However, on my last trip in March / April I went to two matches. Most home fixtures are on Sunday afternoons/ evenings and Adam at Cherry Bar organised a minibus to take about 7-8 of us over there and bring us back after the matches.

The current stadium is pretty basic, I�d describe it as low non-league standard, but the upside of this is that it only costs 60 baht to get in which includes a programme. The standard of football is probably conference level; the Thai players are skilful but lack the speed and strength of western players. To address this deficiency each team is allowed to play four overseas players, most are African but there are some English players; Pattaya have a guy who played for QPR.
The main attraction though is the atmosphere, the ground was full on both occasions, and the Thais, and falangs, in the ground cheered the team on with constant chanting and drumming. The two games I went to were local �derbies�, one against Rayong Navy and the other against Chonburi. There was no segregation, although both sets of fans congregated in their own areas, and no hint of any trouble despite the obvious amount of beer that was being consumed.

There were stalls selling shirts etc and refreshments were available in the ground. However, most supporters were walking to the railings and buying refreshments from the vendors set up on the other side of the road.

For the record Pattaya won the first game against the Navy side 3-1 but lost 2-1 to chonburi who are one of the best sides in the league and looked stronger.

Of course we didn�t go all that way solely for the football and Adam arranged to visit a bar before the match and another one after. The first time we went to Dao bar before the match which was OK but a bit quiet and then Kinaree afterwards. Kinaree had only just re-opened and although there were lots of girls there, there were even more falangs. This is the downside of going to ex-pat bars on a Sunday as a lot of expats who work during the week go out to play at the weekend. We had a similar experience at Black Pearl the following week, there were quite a few other guys around when we got there and some of the girls had already gone home as they had been busy. Not to worry though because the great thing about Patts is that if you strike out in the out of the way places there is always Soi 6 to fall back on.

So, if you�re looking for a bit of a change on a Sunday afternoon why not give the Rocking Dolphins a try. I�ll certainly be taking a few trips over there when I am there from July-Mid September. Transport is a bit difficult but there are some falang bar owners who will organise trips over. In addition, for the really adventurous, the Eighteen Coins bar on Soi Buakhao arranges transport to away matches. The season runs from March-November so there are plenty of opportunities to catch a match.

Cheers
Tallguy

Pattaya - A Ghost Town

Wed, 19 May 2010 15:15:21 +0000

Quote

Curfew extended across 23 Thai provinces

BANGKOK (AFP) -- A curfew was extended to cover 23 Thai provinces as well as Bangkok on Wednesday night after a deadly army crackdown on an anti-government rally sparked rioting and arson in the capital.

Thailand's Centre for the Resolution of Emergency Situation (CRES) said in a statement it had "imposed the curfew in 23 more provinces from 8:00 pm to 6:00 am".

Anyone violating the curfew would be jailed for two years maximum or fined 40,000 baht (1,200 dollars) or both, but a government spokesman earlier said those who needed to travel should carry passports or ID and tickets.

Earlier, General Prawit Wongsuwon told AFP that the curfew would be imposed in Bangkok and checkpoints would be set up across the city.

"We are waiting until the people go back home, then we will deal with rogue protesters," he said.

Source : WSG

The place is in darkness. Soi 6 was closed around 9pm and Peter has had to close AJ's. Nowhere will be open now. Will see what happens tomorrow but if this carries on I will have to get a flight to Phuket or similar.

A ridiculous over reaction though. I have been here 8 nights now and not seen a single bit of trouble.

The Paupers Tour

Wed, 12 May 2010 09:24:25 +0000

Day 1

A good journey. The weak baht and the troubles must be keeping people away. The EVA flight wasn't even half full which meant I had 3 seats to myself. Arrived at the Vic at around 1800 and had a beer with Vic. Dropped my kit off, changed and out. Into Bee Bar for a few, then AJ's to drop Peter's Ginsters off then Walking St. Saw Mama and ended up in Secrets.

As usual I broke my promise of taking it easy and not getting slaughtered on the 1st night. Ended up barfining from Secrets and cannot remember getting back to the Vic, oops. The bint wanted 2000 and she was leaving at 10am, I just laughed and said too much. She got 1500 which she should be thankful for considering it was more of a ST.

Oh and Rocky, it happened again, you know what I mean. These girls just don't seem to care at times.

A usual start to my trip, too much alcohol and suffering for it the next day.